Soo this morning, me and my son touched down at Schiphol after two weeks in Suriname that could easily win any best-father-and-son time competitions. I could challenge myself to write and write and write about the experience, but there are not enough letters in the alphabet and I am not the greatest writer that ever lived. #thankstoall who contributed.
Anyway.
My sons and I have the weirdest internal father-and-son humor. We’ll be in a crowd, separated from each other, see a funny and we’ll crack-up on Bluetooth.
You won’t get it, but we do; it’s our thing.
So at the airport in Suriname, I see a dude in a darkblue track suit with five Transformers emblems on it.
Five!
One on his T-shirt, up on the left chest, one on the right hip, one on each shoulder and one on the right ass-cheek pocket.
I bump my son, he notices it and we grin. Both of us making unspoken jokes in our minds. “Yo Optimus! How come your wife isn’t dressed in yellow like Bumble Bee?”
Then we forget him.
Fast forward to nine hours later at Schiphol.
We’re waiting on our suitcases and I notice the huge horde of customs officers eyeing passengers. Suriname flights are popular and some of these officers are certified assholes, not-so-randomly picking out Black people to rummage through their perfectly arranged suitcases. I know people who purposely travel with very dirty laundry; shit stained underwear for customs officers to go find.
Alas, I have five liters of Italian wine from Suriname in my luggage (yup
) , so in my mind I already prepared the conversation that I will have with any suspicious officer.
) , so in my mind I already prepared the conversation that I will have with any suspicious officer.Did you pack your own bag sir?Yes”What’s that fluid in the bottle sir?”Italian wine from Suriname.”Italian wine from Suriname???? Come on. That can’t be right!”Yes sir. Shall we cut this conversation short and just share a glass, so you know there’s nothing fishy in the fluid? I assure you you’ll enjoy it”
I’m ready for him.
As my son and I wait for our suitcases, he bumps me and points his chin at the Transformers dude sauntering by. This time the internal joke makes us both erupt in loud uncontrollable laughter, because now we notice that he has one more Transformers logo on the track suit jacket that he has put on over his Tshirt.
Biggest Transformers fan ever!
My son tells me “bet ya, dude won’t have to catch the train just now. When he’s outside he’ll just transform into a truck.”
By now I am almost rolling over the floor, unbothered by the eyes that we’re catching from the customs officers. “Do you know the sound he will make when he Transforms?”
My son doesn’t.
In between the laughs I am able to fish my phone out of my pocket. I open YouTube and search for the Transformers sound. My phone goes: “scree scree scree scree”, loud!
And at that exact moment one of the customs officers just so happens to walk by.
He doesn’t break a stride and says casually “hey that’s the Transformers tune eh!”
I think my son peed a bit.
I knew then that my suitcase would not be checked.
It wasn’t.
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